Helluva thing, getting older.

lolita
Originally uploaded by Jay_wood.

Nabakov's masterpiece hits the ripe old age of 50. Nice retrospective from the New York Times.

Advice to writers: never throw out computer discs.

Found it: 171 total pages. Uncle and the suit. Dissertation. Even Bonnie. How could I have forgotten good old Bonnie and her giant purse?

So no more excuses, right? Right.

Working titles so far: Crapass and Bongs, Books, Bush.

Andy Dick will save my career.

Originally uploaded by Jay_wood.

So we had this contest, and the wheels around work wanted it to end it with a bang. A big bang. So they bought out the entire commercial time on an episode of The Tonight Show -- 17 minutes of national airtime. Then they put me on it.

Uhm, thanks?

My first act was to get more people involved, because having only a fraction of the blame is better than all of it. Yes, folks, I'm a survivor. After three weeks of nervous paper-shuffling, we finally bore down and panicked.

And out of the Maelstrom emerged Andy Dick.

Of all the directors we talked to, he was the only one that had the guts (or plain arrogance) to think he could film nearly a sitcom's worth of material in less than two weeks.

He turned out to be a pretty decent guy on a personal level. Friendly, a good listener, polite, excellent grooming habits. As for being a director, decide for yourself. Our 17 minutes of fame airs on Leno Thursday, September 22nd. Try not not to laugh. (That wasn't a typo).

Advice to writers: don’t take two years off.

So, like, I’m trying to get off my ass and write. Yesterday, I printed out the novel I stopped working on when my wife and I decided to divorce, circa September, 2003. One hundred and twenty pages, not much of it good, but, you know, they're pages, which matter more than anything, even if they're bad. What’s killing me is that there are at least 50 pages missing. The uncle and nephew buying the suit. The mashed potatoes scene. The dissertation summary. Gone. Vapor. Most of it is still in my head, but that suit scene; man, I just know I’m never going to get it as good as I had it. I know it. "Him being all avuncular and shit," being the only line I can remember. Fuck.

Naturally, I blame my ex-wife for all of this.